Formo
  • Formo
  • Veteran Member Topic Starter
11 years ago
Hanging out at the moment with daddy as I type this in the hospital room... He mentioned you, Jules. So know that you are making at least some impact. I personally want to thank you. It means a lot to dad, which means, it means a lot to me.

Had a good chat with him earlier. Well, it was more of him talking and me just sitting and listening. This terminal crap is happening far too fast for both our liking. I found that I've been watching him very deliberately, studying his every move and mannerism. I never want to forget not only what he looks like but how he moves and talks. My sisters and I went to Culvers earlier, and brought him back some soup. I just sat across the table from him just watching and studying him as he ate.

Time to let him rest before they update his IV.
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Thanks to TheViking88 for the sig!!
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago
I am glad you have the time to spend with your Dad. I never regretted one minute I spent with mine in the finals few years. I asked my Dad a lot of questions about his earlier life. Some things I knew some things I had forgotten. Some things were new to me. It didn't matter. I just enjoyed listening to him talk. I tried to burn him imagine and mannerisms in as deep into my memory as I could. It was amazing how I had taken for granted so much. As I would sit there and watch him I realized how much I loved even the things that irritated me the most.

Last year I was in the mall in Appleton and almost lost it. There was a little kiosk called "Between The Sheets". They sold liens. One of dad's favorite sayings was to tell Mom before he left for work, "I'll see you between the sheets tonight". I told him it made their marriage sound tawdry or cheap. I was just a stupid kid in high school or college. What right did I have telling him how he could speak to Mom if she didn't mind. Anyway I had my wife take a picture of this kiosk and I showed it to Mom. She didn't remember me getting upset with Dad. I told her I should have kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it.

In the last few months I had my wife make him one of his favorite dishes. Chicken Cacciatore. We only brought over a few pieces to him and Mom. He really couldn't eat much of it but he did enjoy it. I planned to bring him a Ruben Sandwich from one of the local restaurants but he couldn't eat things like that by the time I was going to take it to him. My wife use to bring her Dad Frosties from Wendy's. He loved them.

I took a few pictures of my Dad while he slept. (no flash) About once a year I find them on my computer and I realize how sick he was. I don't think I told anyone but my wife.

In a way I envy you Formo. I know you and your family are in pain and I am sorry for what you deal with every single day. Come Monday morning at 6:20 I would gladly go through it again. then I will look at the last picture I took of him and realize I couldn't wish that on him once more.


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Zero2Cool
11 years ago

Hanging out at the moment with daddy as I type this in the hospital room... He mentioned you, Jules. So know that you are making at least some impact. I personally want to thank you. It means a lot to dad, which means, it means a lot to me.

Originally Posted by: Formo 



So because she has boobs he mentions her? What about the guy who created the most awesome forum that you must frequent daily even though it's predicated on your enemy? Huh!?!!?!


All joking aside, the idea of losing a parent is still painful for me and I've failed at handling it ... so please take no disrespect to this, but I haven't really read much out of my own selfishness. Do know this, its not because I don't care because I truly hope everything goes well for him.
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4PackGirl
11 years ago
oh gosh - now i'm crying.

DakotaT
11 years ago

This isn't something I know how to deal with yet. I'm certainly not strong enough to being handling this.

Originally Posted by: Formo 



Yes you are! If I can sit in a ICU room for 14 hours while a doctor splits my baby's head open and digs out a golf ball sized tumor, spend seven weeks apart from her and my wife while she did daily radiation, and watch her do 10 series of chemo weakening her until she was as pale as a ghost; I expect nothing less than absolute strength as you help your siblings and mother through all this.

You will do this, and you will do it well - cause DakotaT loves you! Now I'm tearing up too.
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wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago

Yes you are! If I can sit in a ICU room for 14 hours while a doctor splits my baby's head open and digs out a golf ball sized tumor, spend seven weeks apart from her and my wife while she did daily radiation, and watch her do 10 series of chemo weakening her until she was as pale as a ghost; I expect nothing less than absolute strength as you help your siblings and mother through all this.

You will do this, and you will do it well - cause DakotaT loves you! Now I'm tearing up too.

Originally Posted by: DakotaT 



you're a rock.
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Formo
  • Formo
  • Veteran Member Topic Starter
11 years ago
Thanks.

We just got home. I am emotionally and physically drained. I found I drew an amazing amount of strength from my 4 younger sisters. From the moment I hopped in the car with my wife, I was a blubbering mess the 2 hour drive home. I only pray I return the strength for my sisters as well. I work every day until next weekend, so will be shooting back up north as soon as I can Friday night, as long as there are no big changes with dad's health.

I was thinking about my wife on our ride home. Her father passed away from cancer when she was in 10th grade and she mentioned how mad she was because no one should have to do this once, much less twice. But then expressed her thankfulness that she had this experience because my baby sister is going to be a senior in high school this year, and both her and my wife are two peas in a pod. When Shanna (my wife) dealt with her father's death, she did it in a not so healthy way. Now that she knows how to better deal with this issue, she's been able to connect with my baby sister in a way that no one else in the family can and has/will help her cope with what she's going through. It was our 5th wedding anniversary this past Saturday (yesterday) and I am completely and utterly humbled and honored to be married to her. Fell in love with her all over again.

My wife told myself and her mother this past week that for our wedding, she loved my dad so much that she wanted him to walk her down the isle. But opted not to go that route because she didn't want it to be weird for him to give her up on behalf of her father to his own son. She hasn't been able to tell my dad this yet as just the timing of her being in the room with him while he wasn't resting or with just the 3 of us wasn't good. So that is the first thing she wants to do when we come back next.

Anyway, I have to be up in 5 hours for work, so I'm going to try and get some rest. I'll try to keep posting/expressing here, but if I haven't in a while, it probably means there's not news to report (take it as a good thing).
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Thanks to TheViking88 for the sig!!
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
11 years ago
amazing Formo.

If there are others in the rooms tell them Shanna wants a few minutes alone and get everyone out. She is family. They will respect that.
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gotarace
11 years ago
Formo i just walked the same path with my dad a year ago...it is so hard to watch the man we considered superman as children slowly fade away...Being there letting him know he is loved is important and i'm glad to hear your family is their to support him.
They say we are never real men until our father passes...but i can tell you i never felt so empty and heartbroken the day superman passed. Stay strong Formo... sounds like you have a fantastic support team around you!!!
Smart As a Horse
Hung Like Einstein
Pack93z
11 years ago
I don’t talk much about death or illnesses that are that critical as I myself cheated it, I don’t deal well with it either as I have dealt with it too often to those I care deeply for.

Your heart and mind may be filled with doubt, fear or anger now, and it is painful as hell. I wish to share my stories and I hope they may help if you wish to read them. Your story is yet to be completely written and hold out that hope as we have seen with young Mia.. Recovery is the part of some stories.


I have been in the room twice in my life as I have watched boyhood heroes cling to their final breathes of air after battling for so long. Assuring them that is okay to let go, that we in the room would do everything possible to carry out their wishes in totality. Neither were my father, however both we like secondary fathers to me.

One my godfather and one the husband of my godmother, but had important roles in shaping me as the person I am today.

Tom was a uncle that lived most of his life at a distance, he moved from the family because he didn’t fit in as he was a gay male in a small town. He was tormented by not only his peers but from his own mother and father as well. He lived a hard life early on and found refuse in running away.

I didn’t know the whole story until he fell victim to disease and faded very rapidly, I was only in high school just after my accident when he moved back to basically reconnect with family and live out his days. I learned about the cruelty of life and how to partially deal with it through his story and pain of trying to explain why he wasn’t there to share in our lives but now is basically dependent upon our assistance to leave ours. Back then, the treatment, stigma and hope to live with the disease called AIDS was so different. Back then there was little hope and he was resigned to his fate, but that journey through it was both difficult yet so important to him and us.

Ron was married to my aunt, so he wasn’t blood relation, but I don’t know that I had a tighter bond with a family member than him. He was blunt, to the point blunt, and he didn’t sugarcoat life as many adults do to children in their lives. I spent a couple of weeks each summer at their house each year, it basically was my only time as a child that I wasn’t tied to the farm and felt connected to the world outside of that farm.

We were on his boat the year after I graduated High School working on the engine, and he thought he wrenched his shoulder somehow. Little could I expect by the time I went back to school that fall that I would receive the phone call that he was diagnosed with cancer, and it had spread to a point that they didn’t think there was much hope in terms of treatment.

He fought bravely, but it just wasn’t caught in time to have any hope and he faded very rapidly, within a calendar year was gone.

I hurt like hell to sit with him over weekend conversations, to watch him basically resign himself to his fate. To watch how it affected my cousins and their children.. most that were not old enough to really grasp the reality of the situation, but often now ask tough questions about their papa.
Ron was not a saint, but he had a heart of gold. He asked me to draw the image for his gravestone so that his childhood home was always close. I hold close and guarded those final conversations over that year, his requests and wishes that he did not want to burden his children with. I hold his letter he wrote after my accident, his declaration of how to deal with the upcoming changes in his stern manner, however it was about the only time he really showed his soft underlying compassion; as one of my most prized possessions. I often turn to that letter for guidance, not in direct examples but in the spirit and manner in which to carry forth.

My stories didn’t end with a recovery, and they are not of a direct relative like a father or a child. They were filled with great pain and conversations that I don’t think should be intended for anyone let alone a young adult still struggling with his own recovery and trying to process what is being asked of him. Both these stories live on today in some of their final requests they made of me, but I honor them to this day.

Some pains just never fade, but in them there are joys, memories, and the knowing that they knew how much you love them.


It is a tough road no matter the outcome, and as much as it hurts know that carrying on with as much strength as you can muster is going to mean the world to them and the rest of your family in the eye of their need.

But it will also be something that you will reflect upon often in the future, so try not to leave anything for regret. Words unspoken, tear unshed, whatever it may be.. just try to be as much as a rock as you can be.

So if you or anyone shall need me for a shoulder to vent to.. feel free.

I am short on good advice but I do care and willing to listen often and have seen the painful side of life from several different angles.

I feel helpless passed being able to offer my shoulder to lean on, I am not real good with comforting words or advice. I don’t show empathy well, but I do want you and all here that have struggles that I do care and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Formo – Out of all the people in the world that I know.. I have great faith in your strength and convictions to help guide your family and yourself through this chapter in life, no matter the outcome.

To quote Yoda (in honor of your nerdy side) - the force is strong with this one.
"The oranges are dry; the apples are mealy; and the papayas... I don't know what's going on with the papayas!"
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