Zero2Cool
5 years ago
While this is not Packers related, it is placed here temporarily for everyone to see and read because I'm sure every single one of us has known, or does know (if not themselves) battled or is battling depression.

In a matter of four days in early June, the world was shocked and saddened by the suicides of two renowned and highly successful figures: Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Each had a profound impact on society prior to death. Their legacies live on and continue to inspire. But Spade and Bourdain left us too soon. Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time we've lost icons in such a tragic manner -- and it won't be the last.

Now more than ever, it's important to be honest about mental health, something new Pro Football Hall of Fame safety Brian Dawkins also shed light on in his enshrinement speech over the weekend. It's crucial for everyone to know that acknowledging personal struggles isn't a sign of weakness, but one of strength. Too often taboo, depression is shut behind closed doors -- especially in a tough-guy sport like football, with a social media environment that glorifies successes and status.

The first time I stepped into a counseling session was in 2002, when I saw a sports psychologist. I was able to retain what helped me reach my peak performance and able to get in the zone, shutting out the noise and negative thoughts on the field. I did that with flying colors, but I wasn't able to grasp that concept in my life outside of the game. I couldn't quiet the noise and negative thoughts in my mind. It wasn't until I stepped away from the game at the end of the 2016 NFL season that I really began to take ownership and understand my personal journey with depression.

Don't get me wrong: I love football. Always have. I took immense pride in being a tough, in-your-face wide receiver, and am content with what I did in my career. I hung it up after 16 years of antagonizing defensive backs, putting up 14,731 receiving yards and 81 receiving touchdowns on 'em, while making five Pro Bowls and earning two first-team All-Pro nods. Pretty good, right?

Well, what if I told you I never truly enjoyed those moments, never felt genuine delight in my accomplishments?

One common question I contemplated through the highs and lows was simple, but felt so complex:

What's wrong with me?

Despite all of my achievements, I routinely felt trapped, inferior and alone. This overwhelmed me internally and often left me mentally, physically and emotionally broken. Thinking back to when I experienced these emotions most significantly, several specific moments come to mind ...

One goes all the way back to the 2003 NFC Championship Game, when we, the Carolina Panthers, defeated the Philadelphia Eagles. I should have been elated that we were headed to the organization's first Super Bowl in its ninth year of existence. Yet, I couldn't get over the fact that we didn't perform well statistically in the 14-3 win, and hadn't effectively thrown the ball, with just 101 passing yards in that game. I was so upset I couldn't even get myself to hold the conference trophy. We earned the opportunity to become world champions, but in that victory, I felt defeated.

Generally, throughout much of my life, unhappiness, constant self-criticism and an inability to let old blunders go weighed so heavily on my mind. I can recall hundreds of these moments, on and off the gridiron, when I felt inept. It really took a toll on my mental state.

In 2013, my final year in Carolina, I hit a point where I was so overwhelmed that I wasn't sure what to do or how to handle my emotions. Small things in my daily life impacted me in a big way, and I was a cynic of everything and everyone. It was at that point I decided -- with hesitancy -- to try counseling for non-football related matters for the first time in my life. So I went; rather, I had my counselor meet me at my home because I feared someone would see me walking into a session in a public place. I really had a hard time realizing just how much I wasn't able to handle emotionally. My responses or lack of responses in those early sessions were an indication of what was going on inside.


The 2015 season was supposed to be Steve Smith's swan song. Then his Achilles exploded -- and the undersized receiver with an oversized chip on his shoulder couldn't go out like that. Judy Battista reports.
The 2015 season was supposed to be Steve Smith's swan song. Then his Achilles exploded -- and the undersized receiver with an oversized chip on his shoulder couldn't go out like that. Judy Battista reports.
I continued counseling sessions when I got to Baltimore the following year. I saw small changes in myself, but even more, I started seeing all my flaws. That's a hard thing to accept for anyone. After tearing my Achilles midway through what was to be my final season, I remember sitting in the hospital bed recalling dropped passes from 10 years prior. Mind you, at the time of my injury, I needed just 49 catches to hit 1,000 for my career.

But now, a year and a half has passed since my last NFL game, and for the first time in my life, I finally feel free.

I've learned through hours and hours of counseling -- and am still learning -- so much about the battle I fight within. I find myself, as an extreme introvert defined by my counselor, looking for excuses on how to avoid large crowds and retreating during public appearances, big events and even family gatherings. Being in public is a constant struggle, not because I don't want to attract attention or think I'm "important," but because of my inner battle.

This is all proof that I still face my demons often, but I'm gradually learning how to cope with them. How to understand them. And one thing has become abundantly clear: The best thing I ever did for my well-being was to seek help. I needed someone to help me comprehend how my mind deals with disappointment, grief, failure, etc. -- and most importantly, how to prohibit that critical voice inside my head from defining who I am on an everyday basis.

I've always been able to beat my opponent, but for 16 NFL seasons, I also beat up on myself. It felt easier, in the moment, to suppress my feelings and move on. If I could do it all over again, I'd be open. I'd talk about -- and not feel ashamed of -- my struggles. My family and close friends have always been supportive in everything I've done or set out to do, yet I shut them out for years due to my own inner struggle. And within the league, there's no doubt I would've had three dozen people reach out if I had been brave enough to bare my soul. But I was extremely broken and afraid of negative judgment. Looking back, I sold those people short.

In a more open and enlightened state these days, I come back to that question that haunted me for so many years:

What's wrong with me?

And now I have an answer: There's nothing wrong with me, nor is there with anyone else who suffers from depression and other mental health disorders. All human beings have strengths and weaknesses, physical and mental. You're defined by how you play the hand you're dealt in life. I've spent the last year grieving, in a sense, the fact that I no longer am a football player -- the one thing I have been my entire life. Reidentifying myself has been quite the process and learning to be OK with that even more so.

My advice to anyone suffering from mental health issues -- and specifically athletes who can relate -- is this: Ask for help. Stop trying to deal with these serious matters alone. You're not alone. Believe me.

http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000944106/article/steve-smith-sr-my-personal-battle-with-depression 

Steve Smith Sr wrote:


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gbguy20
5 years ago
All the more reason to love this guy.
wpr
  • wpr
  • Preferred Member
5 years ago
Amazing story. I am surprised a professional counselor would come to someone's home. Terrible things could happen.
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Cheesey
5 years ago
So much of what he wrote is what I feel. The only difference is I’m not a millionaire football player.
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Zero2Cool
5 years ago

So much of what he wrote is what I feel. The only difference is I’m not a millionaire football player.

Originally Posted by: Cheesey 



It's kind of a bummer that athletes are seen this way instead of as what they really are. Human beings, just like you and me.
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Cheesey
5 years ago
I sure didn’t mean anything by it. Really was just saying money won’t buy you happiness.
Although I wish I had enough to at least RENT it for a couple of hours!🤣
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TheKanataThrilla
5 years ago
I think by and large many are still surprised when rich people have issues such as depression. Our money focused society thinks that money is the great equalizer of all problems. It's not. Great courage by Steve to speak out and hopefully get somebody who is suffering and battling alone to seek help.
Zero2Cool
5 years ago

I sure didn’t mean anything by it. Really was just saying money won’t buy you happiness.
Although I wish I had enough to at least RENT it for a couple of hours!🤣

Originally Posted by: Cheesey 



Yeah, it just bothers me when people look at someone and see their income, not the individual. They get sick, they suffer family losses, they get pissed when someone cuts them off on the highway, they wipe their ass (I hope!) no different than you and myself. We tend to put people on a pedestal and it's unfair to them and unreasonable by us. Suppose, this is just my opinion and I could be mistaken. It's just one of those observations I guess.
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Cheesey
5 years ago
It’s true. When you have the added stress of having to dig and scratch just to have enough to survive, it can be difficult to understand how a person that has more then they could use in 5 lifetimes can be depressed when they are blessed with such an abundance. But it’s true, rich or poor, we are all just human.
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Zero2Cool
5 years ago

It’s true. When you have the added stress of having to dig and scratch just to have enough to survive, it can be difficult to understand how a person that has more then they could use in 5 lifetimes can be depressed when they are blessed with such an abundance. But it’s true, rich or poor, we are all just human.

Originally Posted by: Cheesey 



I think it's hard to understand because that person is relating happiness to financial worth. I feel I am the richest person in the world and it has nothing to do with money. It's because even though I've lost family and friends, I once had them and of course I still have my girls. To me, that's rich. To most (in my experience), rich comes down to financials and I feel that's a poor mindset to have. Money comes and goes, good friends/relationships are the truth worth.

The Count of Monte Cristo had a good line.

[Mondego has betrayed Edmond]
Edmond: Why are you doing this?
Mondego: Oh, it's... complicated.
[Edmond grabs a sword and they fight, but Mondego gets the upper hand]
Edmond: Why? In God's name, why?
Mondego: Because you are the son of a clerk, and I'm not supposed to want to be you!


Another one where Mondego is trying to seduce Edmond's significant other.

Mondego: Make love to me.
Mercedes: Will you ever give up?
Mondego: He doesn't have to know.
Mercedes: I'd know.
Mondego: So would I. It'd be our little secret.
Mercedes: I don't believe in secrets.
Mondego: You think Edmond doesn't have secrets? He does. Ask him.
Mercedes: I know what you want, Mondego.
Mondego: You do?
Mercedes: Remember when we were little kids and Edmond got that whistle for his birthday and you got a pony? Well, you were so mad that Edmond was happier with his whistle than you were with your pony. And I'm not going to be your next...whistle.



If you're not familiar with the book/movie.
Edmond grew up financially poor and Mondego was financially rich, yet, Mondego wished he was Edmond.

This is just my feelings on things, but we should all find happiness in our whistle rather than sulk at someone else's pony.
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Mucky Tundra (14h) : End of a Degu-era
dhazer (14h) : Steelers sign Patterson because of new kickoff rule interesting
Zero2Cool (17h) : Former #Packers TE Josiah Deguara is signing a 1-year deal with the Jaguars, per source.
Zero2Cool (18h) : They do not do it for "content sake".
dfosterf (28-Mar) : For the record, I enjoy Beast and Mucky drafts
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Haha
Mucky Tundra (27-Mar) : No time for talking! Back to work beast!
beast (27-Mar) : You saw only 4,201 of my mocks? 🥺 I think that means you missed more than half of them 😢
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Does anyone know what Lambeau field improvements got put on hold? My guess would be for the 2025 draft
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : It's like listen, you made 4,201 mocks, no shit.
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Cuz during the draft "I had them mocked there!" as if it's amazing.
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : They're fun to do once in awhile. It's people who think they are "content" that annoy me.
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Against tbd
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Answer to your question is yes, it's a Thursday, will be the Chiefs aga
dfosterf (27-Mar) : Luckily for all concerned, I don't post them. I did one, but that was like 25 mocks ago
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : NFL 2024 gonna start Sept 5th isn't it???
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Ugh... kids these days!
dfosterf (27-Mar) : I'm gonna go do some more mock draft hell instead 🤪
Zero2Cool (27-Mar) : Did we do one of those prediction threads yet for 2024 season?
dfosterf (27-Mar) : In my city, they are playing the nimby game, in order to keep some railroad tracks vs. 2 professional sports teams and a concert venue.
dfosterf (27-Mar) : And/Or a city council, of which I haven't seen a good one in a very long time
dfosterf (27-Mar) : That sounds like a Mayor, not a city.
buckeyepackfan (26-Mar) : Packers halt scheduled 80mil upgrade of stadium until lease agreement talks are restarted
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : City of Green Bay puts Packers' Lambeau Field lease talks on hold
buckeyepackfan (26-Mar) : Packers 1 of 3 teams to vote no on new kickoff rule.
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : Packers sign another Kicker
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Lengthy explanation at PFF if you click the link
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Kickoff rules officially changed.ngthy explan
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : lol
Cheesey (26-Mar) : 2009? No thanks! One open heart surgery is enough!
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Good for you!
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : Yes. That's the one.
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Is that "Lady Dugan" per chance?
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Crystal?
dfosterf (26-Mar) : Please refresh my memory
Zero2Cool (26-Mar) : Alan posts. Crystal back in my life. It's 2009 all over again! Lol
Mucky Tundra (26-Mar) : BAH GAWD! THAT'S CHEESEYS MUSIC!
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Gutekunst said early stages of Jordan Love contract being discussed.
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Shouldn't be penalized cuz official screwed up
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Yeah, challenge until you are incorrect twice.
Zero2Cool (25-Mar) : Fining them is the goal, per the people who made the rule anyway.
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Still waiting on the kickoff rule changes. Did hear yesterday that the touchback proposal will now be the 30 yard line, not the 35
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Probably speed of game issues with your proposal
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Hopefully the refs don't get in the habit of throwing flags on this
beast (25-Mar) : I think when it comes to Challenges should get two strikes, so unlimited challenges as long as they keep winning them, but 2 wrong then done
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Still subject to the fines etc
dfosterf (25-Mar) : Yes, I should have been more specific. Also, they are now saying it would be a 15 yard penalty. That makes more sense .
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