Heh, to state it another way: Only saints take everything in stride, and I don't believe saints exist.
My wife has called me a saint many times(of course she's called me plenty of bad things too!).......so have a few other people called me a saint. I just see myself as I am. A person put here for X amount of years, with certain things to accomplish. Anyone that has seen what i have would label me a failure. I have never owned my own home, have no children, have old cars, i only own ONE suit.....and i'm not even sure if it fits me, as the only time i wear it is at weddings and funerals, and so on.
But you know what? I DO take things in stride. That doesn't mean i always like it, or that i wish it wasn't different, or that i don't throw my tantrums at what "cards" i have been dealt.
I look at my heart surgery. I was NOT expecting it. I went in on Feb 13th for the heart catherization, figured they might find one or maybe two small blockages, the doc would insert a couple stints, and that would be it.
When he told me i had 6 blockages, and was going to have open heart surgery in 3 days, my (pardon the pun) heart sank. Now......anyone that knows me knows I'm an emotional person. And not afraid to show it. But all i thought was "Oh great.......will i survive this? Will my wife become a widow?"
FAR from "apathetic". Heck, if i didn't care how it turns out, i wouldn't be busting my butt every day since i got out of the hospital. Even the nurses at PT are shocked at how far i've come in such a short time. It's not apathy, it's a wonderment at what is next in line for me? There HAS to be something. My personal belief is, when you have accomplished what you are supposed to, God will take you "home". If your still here, there are reasons. Sometimes we are blessed, and actually get to SEE the reasons, some others i think we will only learn after we leave our earthly bodies.
I had a chance to tell my story to a manager at the local Shopko store, as he saw me walking around and asked if i needed help finding something. When he found out i was just walking for exercise, he asked me VERY detailed questions about what i was feeling before i went in to see the cardiologist. I think that man is feeling something wrong, but like most people, they "pooh pooh" it away and ignore it till it's too late. Who knows? Maybe i saved that mans life. Could that be why i'm still here? So that HIS wife and children might have him around alot longer?
I don't know.
I have to push myself every day to try to get better. Things that before were easy, now take HUGE amounts of work and willpower. And do i get frustrated? YOU BET! Yet i have to keep in mind, tomorrow it will be exactly 6 weeks since the surgery. Not really a very long time at all.
Apathethic? Nope......thats not me at all. I just realize there are some things i have NO control over. If i had died on the operating room table, would i have had any control over that? Nope. But before they wheeled me off down the hall, i kissed my wife and told her "I'll see you after the operation." I will NEVER forget the look of pain in her eyes at that moment. That will stay with me forever. Even though since i've been home, i think she would have preferred to "pull the plug" on me!LOL!
I try my best at anything i do. That doesn't mean i'm GOOD at everything, it just means i always try. Heck.....i suck at WAY more things then i'm good at!!!LOLOL!!!
Thats not apathy. Nope.
(There i go.......writting a "book" again!!!) SORRY!!!