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Offline wpr  
#16 Posted : Sunday, August 26, 2012 12:40:10 PM(UTC)
wpr

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Originally Posted by: DakotaT Go to Quoted Post
Yes you are! If I can sit in a ICU room for 14 hours while a doctor splits my baby's head open and digs out a golf ball sized tumor, spend seven weeks apart from her and my wife while she did daily radiation, and watch her do 10 series of chemo weakening her until she was as pale as a ghost; I expect nothing less than absolute strength as you help your siblings and mother through all this.

You will do this, and you will do it well - cause DakotaT loves you! Now I'm tearing up too.


you're a rock.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline Formo  
#17 Posted : Sunday, August 26, 2012 9:01:40 PM(UTC)
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Thanks.

We just got home. I am emotionally and physically drained. I found I drew an amazing amount of strength from my 4 younger sisters. From the moment I hopped in the car with my wife, I was a blubbering mess the 2 hour drive home. I only pray I return the strength for my sisters as well. I work every day until next weekend, so will be shooting back up north as soon as I can Friday night, as long as there are no big changes with dad's health.

I was thinking about my wife on our ride home. Her father passed away from cancer when she was in 10th grade and she mentioned how mad she was because no one should have to do this once, much less twice. But then expressed her thankfulness that she had this experience because my baby sister is going to be a senior in high school this year, and both her and my wife are two peas in a pod. When Shanna (my wife) dealt with her father's death, she did it in a not so healthy way. Now that she knows how to better deal with this issue, she's been able to connect with my baby sister in a way that no one else in the family can and has/will help her cope with what she's going through. It was our 5th wedding anniversary this past Saturday (yesterday) and I am completely and utterly humbled and honored to be married to her. Fell in love with her all over again.

My wife told myself and her mother this past week that for our wedding, she loved my dad so much that she wanted him to walk her down the isle. But opted not to go that route because she didn't want it to be weird for him to give her up on behalf of her father to his own son. She hasn't been able to tell my dad this yet as just the timing of her being in the room with him while he wasn't resting or with just the 3 of us wasn't good. So that is the first thing she wants to do when we come back next.

Anyway, I have to be up in 5 hours for work, so I'm going to try and get some rest. I'll try to keep posting/expressing here, but if I haven't in a while, it probably means there's not news to report (take it as a good thing).
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Thanks to TheViking88 for the sig!!
thanks Post received 2 applause.
wpr on 8/27/2012(UTC), porky88 on 8/27/2012(UTC)
Offline wpr  
#18 Posted : Monday, August 27, 2012 5:20:34 AM(UTC)
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amazing Formo.

If there are others in the rooms tell them Shanna wants a few minutes alone and get everyone out. She is family. They will respect that.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline gotarace  
#19 Posted : Monday, August 27, 2012 7:03:43 AM(UTC)
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Formo i just walked the same path with my dad a year ago...it is so hard to watch the man we considered superman as children slowly fade away...Being there letting him know he is loved is important and i'm glad to hear your family is their to support him.
They say we are never real men until our father passes...but i can tell you i never felt so empty and heartbroken the day superman passed. Stay strong Formo... sounds like you have a fantastic support team around you!!!
Smart As a Horse
Hung Like Einstein
thanks Post received 2 applause.
wpr on 8/27/2012(UTC), 4PackGirl on 8/27/2012(UTC)
Offline Pack93z  
#20 Posted : Monday, August 27, 2012 9:27:36 AM(UTC)
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I don’t talk much about death or illnesses that are that critical as I myself cheated it, I don’t deal well with it either as I have dealt with it too often to those I care deeply for.

Your heart and mind may be filled with doubt, fear or anger now, and it is painful as hell. I wish to share my stories and I hope they may help if you wish to read them. Your story is yet to be completely written and hold out that hope as we have seen with young Mia.. Recovery is the part of some stories.



It is a tough road no matter the outcome, and as much as it hurts know that carrying on with as much strength as you can muster is going to mean the world to them and the rest of your family in the eye of their need.

But it will also be something that you will reflect upon often in the future, so try not to leave anything for regret. Words unspoken, tear unshed, whatever it may be.. just try to be as much as a rock as you can be.

So if you or anyone shall need me for a shoulder to vent to.. feel free.

I am short on good advice but I do care and willing to listen often and have seen the painful side of life from several different angles.

I feel helpless passed being able to offer my shoulder to lean on, I am not real good with comforting words or advice. I don’t show empathy well, but I do want you and all here that have struggles that I do care and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Formo – Out of all the people in the world that I know.. I have great faith in your strength and convictions to help guide your family and yourself through this chapter in life, no matter the outcome.

To quote Yoda (in honor of your nerdy side) - the force is strong with this one.

Edited by user Monday, August 27, 2012 1:25:17 PM(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

I think when there's enough will and aggression, there's no shortage of talent either.

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thanks Post received 1 applause.
Formo on 8/27/2012(UTC)
Offline Formo  
#21 Posted : Wednesday, September 5, 2012 9:55:22 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: gotarace Go to Quoted Post
Formo i just walked the same path with my dad a year ago...it is so hard to watch the man we considered superman as children slowly fade away...Being there letting him know he is loved is important and i'm glad to hear your family is their to support him.
They say we are never real men until our father passes...but i can tell you i never felt so empty and heartbroken the day superman passed. Stay strong Formo... sounds like you have a fantastic support team around you!!!


Understatement of the decade.

This is the worst.
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Offline wpr  
#22 Posted : Thursday, September 6, 2012 4:51:10 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: Formo Go to Quoted Post
Understatement of the decade.

This is the worst.


When my Dad still had a little strength I crawled up on his bed and put my arm around him and asked him, "What am I going to do without you?" and gave him a hug and a kiss. I still felt like I was his little boy.

The slow painful process of watching them slip away is hard to bare. But I found it helped me mentally prepare.

I guess we are never fully prepared. Now I am crying again. it is strange. None made me more angry than my dad. And yet I would give a king's ransom for a day, an hour or even 5 minutes with him. I know my grief is only a fraction of what Mom is going through.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline Formo  
#23 Posted : Friday, September 14, 2012 12:38:44 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: wpr Go to Quoted Post
When my Dad still had a little strength I crawled up on his bed and put my arm around him and asked him, "What am I going to do without you?" and gave him a hug and a kiss. I still felt like I was his little boy.

The slow painful process of watching them slip away is hard to bare. But I found it helped me mentally prepare.

I guess we are never fully prepared. Now I am crying again. it is strange. None made me more angry than my dad. And yet I would give a king's ransom for a day, an hour or even 5 minutes with him. I know my grief is only a fraction of what Mom is going through.


Yeah. It is. I've found, thought, how thankful I've become because of this. I thought about the time we've been able to not take forgranted this past year and a half. We've all laid it out on the table when it came to spending quality time with family. As much as it sucks to watch our Supermen fade away, at least we get those precious last moments with them unadulterated of meaningless banter.
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Offline Wade  
#24 Posted : Friday, September 14, 2012 1:13:12 PM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: Formo Go to Quoted Post
Yeah. It is. I've found, thought, how thankful I've become because of this. I thought about the time we've been able to not take forgranted this past year and a half. We've all laid it out on the table when it came to spending quality time with family. As much as it sucks to watch our Supermen fade away, at least we get those precious last moments with them unadulterated of meaningless banter.


Amen, brother. Amen.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
Romans 12:2 (NKJV)
Offline wpr  
#25 Posted : Friday, September 14, 2012 5:11:31 PM(UTC)
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Last week my 82 year old neighbor was walking across the street. The driver of a car was watching the people on the sidewalk and didn't see him. His injuries were fatal. His family never got a last chance to say anything. It is painfully hard to watch him linger. It is harder to not get the opportunity.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline Formo  
#26 Posted : Friday, September 14, 2012 7:48:53 PM(UTC)
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Today's meeting with the oncologist brought bad news. They will no longer be administering chemo and according to the doctor, the projected time-line for Daddy is 3-4 weeks. This weekend we'll be going over hospice plans and such. For those that read/post on the CaringBridge, I humbly ask you to not acknowledge any more information than what is posted there as we are still figuring out how we are going to spread the news to the rest of the family. But I figured I'd update you with the information I have. I told one of my bosses today (at job #1) and actually embarrassed myself by breaking down and bawling. I couldn't even spit out the words, I just stood there choking. I actually laugh about it now because he didn't have a clue as to why I was bawling when he asked if I were willing to work over the weekend. As soon as I composed myself and told him why I couldn't work this weekend, I left work.

Tomorrow our plans are to go to the Gopher football game (I need an escape, even if it's a weak one, football is one.. Many of you know this) and as soon as the final whistle blows, Shanna and I will be heading up North for some more quality time. I'm hoping to get all my crying done before then as I know my mother and sisters will probably need some emotional stability.

Thank you guys for listening/reading my babbling. I truly appreciate it.
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Offline wpr  
#27 Posted : Friday, September 14, 2012 8:35:30 PM(UTC)
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$&*&$^&#%#@#@$!!!!

I knew it was coming but I still hate to see it.

Breaking down when you tell someone is normal. I made a lot of phone calls when Dad, Dad #2 (my F-I-L) and my long time minister all passed away. I was fine until I had to say it out loud. I think it seems to be all the more real.

I hope the Gophers give you the best game you have ever seen.

I am certain you will have so much strength when you are with your family. You will basically be "in a box" mentally. Focusing on helping them get through these hard days ahead. At some point in time, when you all are ready for it, write down some of those old saying that your Dad use to say. The more they drive you crazy the better in my book. We laughed a lot as we all took turns bringing up stuff.

I don't know if I should mention this last thing. If it is wrong i am sorry. A friend of mine who is a registered nurse and has dealt with the dying on a daily basis told us to watch his knees. They turn a little bit blue as the body shuts down and the circulation weakens. My brother, the Dr, said he never heard of that before and was more than a little skeptical. My older brother pointed out that he does not deal with people who are slowly dying. He is a cardiologist and when his patients die it is rather quickly. Sure enough about a day before, we could see Dad turning blue. It helped me realize he was only hours away. Maybe that would not be helpful to you.
"You don't hurt 'em if you don't hit 'em." Chesty Puller



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Offline Cheesey  
#28 Posted : Friday, September 14, 2012 10:27:21 PM(UTC)
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Jeremy....i am so sorry to hear this awful news.
There are no words that will make the pain any less.

All i can say is take every opportunity to let your dad know how much you love him. You have been given the chance to say things that some never get. I KNOW it's hard. I've been there. The only difference was i was told my Dad would be coming home in a couple weeks, and the next day he died of a massive heart attack. I would give anything if i could have sat with him and been able to tell him all the things i never got a chance to do.
You are getting that chance. So use it to it's fullest.
Nothing will make it easy when he finally goes, but at least you won't have to live the rest of your life and have to regret things unsaid.
And don't be embarresed over crying. My Dad always said to me "God gave you emotions to USE them. NEVER feel bad about showing them. It takes a bigger man to show his emotions then to cover them up." My Dad was a very smart man.
I will be thinking/praying for you.
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Offline macbob  
#29 Posted : Saturday, September 15, 2012 8:02:13 AM(UTC)
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Jeremy-very very sorry to hear the news. Went through similar with my Dad 10 years ago this Nov. Tell your Dad you love him, tell him you're proud of him. Tell him not to worry about your mom, the family will take care of her.

Just hang in there, be strong for your family, and hope for the best possible outcome (quiet, peaceful, painfree, surrounded by family). Each family/situation is different, but it helped for us by being able to have Dad at home, in familiar surroundings.

Sorry, Formo, I'd type more but this is hard.
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Offline zombieslayer  
#30 Posted : Saturday, September 15, 2012 9:11:25 AM(UTC)
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Originally Posted by: Formo Go to Quoted Post
Today's meeting with the oncologist brought bad news. They will no longer be administering chemo and according to the doctor, the projected time-line for Daddy is 3-4 weeks. This weekend we'll be going over hospice plans and such. For those that read/post on the CaringBridge, I humbly ask you to not acknowledge any more information than what is posted there as we are still figuring out how we are going to spread the news to the rest of the family. But I figured I'd update you with the information I have. I told one of my bosses today (at job #1) and actually embarrassed myself by breaking down and bawling. I couldn't even spit out the words, I just stood there choking. I actually laugh about it now because he didn't have a clue as to why I was bawling when he asked if I were willing to work over the weekend. As soon as I composed myself and told him why I couldn't work this weekend, I left work.

Tomorrow our plans are to go to the Gopher football game (I need an escape, even if it's a weak one, football is one.. Many of you know this) and as soon as the final whistle blows, Shanna and I will be heading up North for some more quality time. I'm hoping to get all my crying done before then as I know my mother and sisters will probably need some emotional stability.

Thank you guys for listening/reading my babbling. I truly appreciate it.


Wishing you and yours best. Don't be embarrassed. We're human, which is a GOOD thing. I probably couldn't even show up so you're definitely stronger than I am.
My man Donald Driver
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