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Quote:The Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!I>
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One for the ladies
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ..'
And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
(I actually have this one hanging in my office)
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
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Send this to at least five bright, funny women you know and make their day!
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor to take it!
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Rank: Legend
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Pfft, shit. Why the hell was that email FWD to me? :roll: |
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Rank: 1st Round Draft Pick
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HELL YEAH it's funny!!! :D :D :D
as to why it was forwarded to you, kev - kinda makes one ponder, doesn't it? ;) |
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Rank: Most Valuable Player
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I have a corrected answer for #6.
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
"To give him a chance to SAY something!!!"
:thumbleft: LOLOLOLOL!!!! :thumbright: |
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Rank: Most Valuable Player
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This joke gets a lot of laughs from the gentlemen but for some reason, just snickers from the ladies...
Do you know why women close their eyes during sex?
Because they can't stand to see a man having a good time. |
My man Donald Driver  (thanks to Pack93z for the pic) 2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty.    |
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Rank: Most Valuable Player
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OhHhHhHh.....Zombie........4pack's gonna GET you for that!!!!LOLOLOL!!! |
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Rank: 1st Round Draft Pick
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Originally Posted by: "  This joke gets a lot of laughs from the gentlemen but for some reason, just snickers from the ladies...
Do you know why women close their eyes during sex?
Because they can't stand to see a man having a good time. zombie - allow me to introduce you to my ten second sauna. :microwave: |
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Rank: Pro Bowl
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Originally Posted by: " This joke gets a lot of laughs from the gentlemen but for some reason, just snickers from the ladies...
Do you know why women close their eyes during sex?
Because they can't stand to see a man having a good time. Very true.
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Rank: Most Valuable Player
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My man Donald Driver (thanks to Pack93z for the pic) 2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty. |
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Rank: Legend
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Yeah I think I'm going actually read atleast the headline or first joke before I just simply copy and paste them into a public forum. |
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Rank: 1st Round Draft Pick
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Originally Posted by: " I think I'm going actually read What a concept!
This will be step #1 in your "reading for comprehension" program. ::razz:
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.
HAW HAW. |
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
- Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
- She starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
- It doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women?
- Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
- A woman that won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right.
- I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
- I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
- It's called wedding cake.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
- I said, "Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives?
- They want to.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."
- The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine." |
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Originally Posted by: "
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
- I don't like to interrupt her.
I actually had a girlfriend once who would talk non-stop and every once in awhile, I'd say something completely off the wall like "my friend Bob has elephentitis" and she's say "that's nice" and keep talking again. Funny thing is, I saw that Seinfeld must have dated the same chick because saw that same thing on a Seinfeld episode. |
My man Donald Driver (thanks to Pack93z for the pic) 2010 will be seen as the beginning of the new Packers dynasty. |
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Rank: 2nd Round Draft Pick
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How does a man know the honey-moon is over.
Your having a hot bath after work to soak your aching muscles, and she comes in and takes a shit. |
""People Will Probably Never Remember What You Said, And May Never Remember What You Did. However, People Will Always Remember How You Made Them Feel." |
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