Rank: Legend
Posts: 22,894
Joined: 10/14/2006(UTC)
Location: United States
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- A computer doesn't care if you stick something inside them for your personal pleasure.(ie: a game disk)
- A computer doesn't get hangups if you spend loads of time with a woman
- A computer never says "you never bring me flowers anymore."
- A computer will never ask 'Does my bum look big in this?'
- A computers disposition remains the same all month
- Computers always come back for more!
- Computers always tell you when they have problems
- Computers appreciate it when you tie up the phone line with them
- Computers are also a good paper weight
- Computers are cheaper to run
- Computers are easy to turn on.
- Computers are happy for you not to wash & shave all weekend.
- Computers are happy if you connect them to another one, even the same type
- Computers are happy to have a picture of a newer model stuck next to them
- Computers are happy to show you pornography
- Computers are logical
- Computers are made to minimize the amount of time and effort inserted in achieving the "goal"
- Computers are not back seat drivers
- Computers are precise
- Computers can be partly upgraded
- Computers can be programmed to do something useful
- Computers can be taught not to pass on viruses
- Computers do exactly what you tell them to
- Computers do not use perfumes, they do not have bad smells!
- Computers don't ask for money
- Computers don't buy a new pair of shoes every month
- Computers don't eat all of the good stuff from your fridge first
- Computers don't eat your chocolate
- Computers don't expect you to be able to read their minds
- Computers don't fall asleep during Match of the Day
- Computers don't get crazy if you get up and walk away in mid-sentence
- Computers don't get jealous if you use another one
- Computers don't get ugly when they get old
- Computers don't get upset if you only use them for 30 seconds
- Computers don't get upset if you use them for 12 hours without a break
- Computers don't get upset when you go on holiday without them
- Computers don't have a compulsive urge to talk crap if they've got nothing to say
- Computers don't like shopping
- Computers don't make horrible dinners
- Computers don't mind if you never speak to them
- Computers don't mind you farting whilst you're using them
- Computers don't nag [except perhaps if they're running Vista ]
- Computers don't order stupid entree's in restaurants, then ask you to trade with them
- Computers don't say, "Not tonight darling, I have a headache".
- Computers don't think
- Computers don't try to introduce you to their parents
- Computers don't want pets or babies
- Computers don't watch mindless sit-coms on TV
- Computers don't bitch about their friends
- Computers don't have periods
- Computers don't require chocolate to make them happy
- Computers have good memory
- Computers give you another chance if the RAM goes bad
- Computers have more things to press
- Computers like being chained to a desk (some even have bondage ports built in)
- Computers like to play with each other for you
- Computers never leave you for your best friend
- Computers never smell of fish
- Computers play games or get serious when YOU want to
- Computers reboot much faster
- Computers stay the same size, even after 5 years
- Computers stay when you tell them too
- Computers treat your woman with the same respect as you
- Computers usually tell you when they have a virus
- Computers will accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy and be happy
- Computers will go down on you
- Computers will help you solve your problems
- Computers work better the more RAM you put in them
- It's easy to upgrade to a newer model
- It's not embarrassing to take a differently colored one to see your parents
- The old computer works just the same even after you've got a new model
- When your computer starts to smoke you can get another one
- Women usually have good hardware but bad software
- You can change computer hardware or software when you want to
- You can deal with computer outputs
- You can delete things you don't want your computer to remember
- You can invite lots of friends of both sexes to play with your computer all together and it won't complain
- You can name your computer anything you want
- You can share your computer with your friends
- You can stop for a beer break whilst using your computer, it just waits for you to come back
- You can switch off a computer
- You can turn on a computer, have a beer, watch the big match, and when you come back, it's still turned on
- You can turn the computer off when the footy's on
- You can turn the sound off
- You can upgrade your computers FAT partitions
- You can use your computer as many times as you want
- You don't get BLOND computers [Alien edit: yes you do, they're called Macs ]
- You don't need to continually tell your computer you love it
- You don't need to cook for computers
- You don't need to pay computers for adult fun
- You don't need to wine and dine a computer before you use it
- You don't need to remember your computers birthday or anniversary
- You only have to punch information into a computer once
- You're never embarrassed to show your computer to your parents, even when it's really old
- Your computer always looks good in the morning
- Your computer doesn't go home to mum if your office computer went down on you today
- Your computer is always a pleasure to turn on
- Your computer never makes you sleep in the wet spot
- Your computer will happily play crude adult games with you
- Your new computer doesn't mind using the old computers extras
- Your new computer is happy to sit on the old computers furniture
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