I always thought that retirement meant you weren't working anymore, or something like that. I just got back from Milwaukee to see my Mother one last time, (she is not doing good at all), and my lovely wife informs me that I am set up to give a one hour talk to the State of Montana PTA Convention in Missoula in September on Pedestrian/Bicycle Safety. What the f_ _ _???? Again, I don't remember signing up for this or whatever!!

But, like the good Boy Scout I am, I'll slap something together and go through with it. Anybody out there know any good jokes that I can start off with??? Remember, this is a PTA convention and I'm supposed to talk about pedestrian/bicycle safety, and how the PTA can help schools get this Safe Routes to School Program into their schools. I've got one Johnny and Susie on a tandem bike joke, but I really don't think the State PTA wants to hear how Susie lost something on the ride.[-x

A little help here would be greatly appreciated=d>

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I have a couple....

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.

"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.

"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."

"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

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Ya, I know...they aren't that great[duh]

Retirement is either when they throw you into the nursing home, or put you into your coffin. Because before either of those two events happen, that means you are still useful and somebody is going to require something of you.

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I did not realize that you were retired.

Bob this one is your type of joke:

Q. Do you know what is the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?

A. The pavement.

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One time my brother and I were riding a tandem bike, suddenly, he slams on the brakes, gets off and starts letting air out of the tires.

I said: "HEY! What are you doing that for Bill!?"

he said, "My seat was too high and it was hurting my butt. I wanted to lower it a bit."

I had enough. I jump off, loosened my seat and spun it round to face the other direction.

Bill said, "What are you doing?"

"If you're going to do stupid stuff like that, I'm going home!!"

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Well, since they'll need to be clean, I got nothing to add. I don't know any jokes that are both clean and funny.

Bill Cosby does though. He's about the only guy who's funny as heck and doesn't swear.

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Man, wpr...going to have to use that joke about you and your brother. I'm surprised it didn't come from VikesRule!

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Good for you. I was thinking of you and your brother but I didn't need to use the name "Bob" when I tweaked it. Of course I made up your brother's name as you could tell. Go ahead and tell it is this dumb guy from Illinois. That will make them laugh too. (At least I am smart enough not to live in Chicago metro.)

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I'd never do that. That's got to be a North Dakota joke through and through. I'll even get in the name "Troy" as one of the brothers. Boy, this should bring the house down. Anything North Dakota here in Montana is funny. LOL

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