You're right. It's terrible difficult. It can tear you up if you allow it. Remember that YOU are your mother's inspiration. I begin many of my comments by telling my kids or nieces/nephews, "You're grandfather told me this ..." I try to pass back up the genealogy line as much as I can.

A few years ago I gave my son some money to help with his college debt. He wouldn't be able to enroll for the next semester until he paid off his outstanding balance. My mom had just given me some money a few weeks earlier when she sold her rental property.

I told my son where the money came from. That his grandfather valued education and would want him to have it. I then told him the money for one of the apartment buildings (they had 3) came from grandpa selling his share of the family farm. I then told him about his great grandfather working the farm. Sweating, bleeding, freezing and probably even crying some times. His great grandfather didn't do it for my son. He didn't even know him or think of him. He did it to raise his kids. Our farm is a Centennial Farm (My uncle bought it from the estate before he passed away.) It's been in the family for more than 100 years. MY great great grandfather also worked the land and sweated, bled, froze and even cried to raise his family. I then told him I didn't do anything for this money it was the prior 3 generations that did all the work to make this gift possible for him. I then said, now go make something of yourself, not for their sake, for your sake.

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I envy those that have property that goes back generations. It’s like having a piece of history that your ancestors lived on. Kind of like having them still with you. To be actually able to see with your own eyes the very place they lived and worked on.

It’s amazing how many years have gone by since the original start of this thread.

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Reading this from the start and realizing I miss a lot of the people who posted. But, am thankful for those who still come around.

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For me, empathy for the loss of family or a close friend is warranted as well as the respectful thing to do. The core issue is grief. When we stop and are honest with such a situation, we really are not grieving for the deceased, but rather for ourselves that that person will no longer be a living part of our lives. Yes empathy over the manor of the death is valid, yet following their death they no longer suffer, or are in pain, or in emotional distress.

I too have lost family/friends in my lifetime. Some were expected and others were an unexpected event. In the Spring of 1983, I lost my father, my grandfather, a close aunt within a 2 month period. I felt the loss, but realized that prolonging the grief only made me feel bad and really served no good purpose.

We grieve, respect, and even honor our departed, but moving on beyond the hurt is the challenge.

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I still have dreams of my Dad, Mom and brother. And they have been gone 46, 30 and 26 years.
I still miss them.
Yes, it gets easier with time, but for me it never goes away. And I wouldn’t want it to.
I think you are only truly gone when no one thinks of and remembers you.
A couple days ago I went to the “find a grave” website. I’ve gone there in the past to see the graves of some of my ancestors. I would always punch in the names of my parents and brother, and they were never on the site.....until 2 days ago, when to my surprise, there they were.
Now I can “visit” their graves anytime I want to.
It’s a good site to check out if you never went there.

P.S. I just went to the site, and Zero’s Moms grave is also listed on the site.

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Most cemeteries care for the graves either by law or to ensure future business or because it is the right thing to do. I find visiting cemeteries to be a rather morbid exercise. However some do offer some most interesting residents. From famous past military men to well known entertainers and former athletes they can be both interesting and historical.

Some feel it their deity to visit graves and place flowers/wreaths on them. I only feel that placing flags on military graves to honor their service is necessary. I don't feel that past dead relatives/friends benefit any from such activity. I believe that the best way to honor the dead is to contribute to a charity to fight Cancer or Heart Disease or to support a Children's Hospital.

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No dead people benefit from flags or flowers. We do it because we want to. We do it “selfishly” for ourselves. As a remembrance of our loved ones.
I remember going with my parents to clean around the gravestone of my Dad’s mother. She died 7 years before I was born. Had we not cleaned around it, it would have been overgrown.
So not all cemeteries take 100% of the graves clear.
If you don’t want to take the time to do so, that’s your own choice and right. I’ll also do what I feel is the right thing to do.
To each his own I guess.

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